Primal Lasagna Zoned

So four days into this zone mini-challenge (and 75 days into the 90 days). It's amazing how far I've come. I still don't love zone, and I still struggle to get in all of the days blocks, but I'm trying it and it seems like this has kicked my body into high gear. I've lost several pounds in the four days and food-wise feel pretty good. Last night dinner was my job and I was craving Italian comfort food. What's better than lasagna? Primal lasagna!


Primal Zone Lasagna
2 sweet peppers
1/2 sweet onion
eggplant (1 1/2 small or 1 large, approx 9oz)
minced garlic to taste
1 1/2 cups tomato sauce
3 tbsp grapeseed oil (or your favorite fat) 
3/4lb ground beef
3/4 cup ricotta cheese
4 oz mozzarella cheese (shredded)


1. Preheat oven to 375F2. Slice eggplant, peppers and onions into thin slices.3. Heat the oil in a sauce pan over medium heat, add peppers, onions and garlic.
4. Cook until vegetables soften and remove the vegetables from the pan.
5. Brown ground beef in the same pan from the vegetables until cooked through.
6. In a 7x11 (2qt) baking dish, begin layering the lasagna.

- 1/2 cup tomato sauce

- a layer of eggplant, overlapping slightly

- the sauteed vegetables
- ground beef
- ricotta cheese

- 1/2 cup tomato sauce
- the remaining eggplant

7. Spread the remaining 1/2c tomato sauce over the layered eggplant. 

8. Bake at 375F for 50 minutes, or until eggplant looks done

9. Remove from oven, increase temperature to Broil (500F).
10. Cover with shredded mozzarella cheese

11. Bake for five minutes, or until the cheese is melted and browned. 

Makes 4 large servings, each containing
Protein: 4 blocks
Carbs: 2 blocks
Fat: 6 blocks

Truth and Consequences

I guess it took some shame and embarrassment to get me back to blogging. I got complacent and didn't think I was all that interesting, but I should have known that at least some of the benefit to blogging was the accountability I felt with having to write down what I was eating for all the world to see. 

I was plugging along, seeing great results in my weight and performance and attaining goals until ... the vacation. John and I went to Vermont for what was supposed to be a mini romantic retreat for three days last Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. I had already planned on it being a time for some treats, but I couldn't foresee the devastation that awaited me. 
Eight days later, here I am. I'm up way more pounds that should be feasible in a week. I'm unhappy and embarrassed and disappointed in myself. Was that first treat dessert at the amazing farm-to-table restaurant worth it? I'd say yes. Was the emotional, guilty-feeling, closet-eaten dessert the Nth time worth it? No. Not even a little. 

Luckily for me, Jason has challenged the group to a week of strict zone paleo. The timing couldn't have been better. The fridge, freezer and pantry got their desperately needed clean outs again. The menu got planned and the groceries got shopped. 
So ... I'm back on track at the moment and holding myself accountable again. There's only three weeks left in this challenge I'm not going to negate all of the hard work I've put in over the last 10 weeks. I have a plan for zone and will work it for at least this week and adjust as necessary.

Setting goals

Day 54 - Thursday, February 23, 2012


Last night, Jay held a mid-challenge pep talk/intervention for those doing the 90 day challenge. It seems that a lot of people were hitting a slump and needed a little boost to get through the remaining 45 (now 36) days.


There was a lot of interesting discussion about whether food is mental or physical. I lean towards the side of emotional, but the debate continues.


There was also an exercise that helped you get in touch with what you were thinking, feeling and doing. Really being present in the moment and recognizing your current state. We were all encouraged to do this several times a day. I think it'll be most helpful for me when I'm craving treats, or wanting to emotionally eat. Really thinking about and acknowledging what's driving the behavior is a powerful weapon to have.
Thinking - this is dumb
Feeling - successful with what I've accomplished for far and sticking with it
Doing - writing


Finally, the activity that gets me to the reason for Bobby Orr making a guest appearance above. Jay also had us write down our Fitness, Nutrition, and Life goals for the next 45 days.
My fitness goal was one of my challenge goals - 10 consecutive real burpees.
Nutrition - continue to try new paleo recipes and foods.
Life - too risky to put out here publicly not knowing who will read it, but I had one.
He then had us think about what's possible. Well, all three of mine were deliberately possible, so I had a tough time with this one, but it really got me thinking about my goal setting overall. 


We then did the freeze game again:
Thinking - I don't have good goals
Feeling - uncertain
Doing - getting anxious


Jay then had a few people volunteer to share and I noticed a trend. Oh shit ... I was supposed to get more positive after the goals exercise?
Oh.
I was the only one who got negative (or at least to admit it). I just don't feel like I've ever been good at setting goals. Not in my personal life, my professional life, my health, anything. When I had to come up with goals for the 90 day challenge, I really struggled with coming up with things that were reasonable, attainable, but still challenging enough. The standard crossfit goals never really appealed to me. I don't really, truly care if I'm ever able to do pullups, or do a body weight back squat, or Rx'd Fran. These are just not things that are important to me.
And then, Chad, one of my fellow challengers said something that truly resonated with me. I'm paraphrasing, but it was something like, if you're having trouble setting goals, think instead about what the goal will get you. Oh! It's like a little light bulb (GE of course) just went off in my head. 
So then I started thinking about the things I want. This is still a challenge for me, but much easier to do. A few examples.

• I want to be able to go for a hike with my boyfriend and my dog without being a hindrance to them.
• I want to look better in the mirror and in the white dress.
• I want to have less joint pain.

So now I'm onto the step of figuring out what goals I need to set to accomplish these things. It's still not easy for me, but switching it around, I think, will help. 

Maybe this approach will help some of you with your goals as well. We're all different and we're all shooting for differing targets in this challenge and in life, but in order to get there, we at least need to know which direction to take that first step.

A content note: I'm no longer blogging my daily food and workout logs. Rest assured, I am still tracking them, I just decided no one really thinks these are interesting.

The C Word

no, not that C word either

No ... not that C word. 


"Can't"


Kim called me out on it (and didn't even want to hear my intelligent, reasonable rebuttal excuses).
For a very long time at Crossfit I've had an enormous list of can'ts/sucks/goats. Lack of strength, flexibility, courage, and fitness, and an abundance of asthma and weight all conspiring against me and keeping me from being able to do things scaled, try or even show up to the WODs.
I've had some time to think about this today. During the last 49 days of this challenge, I've finally started breaking down some of those barriers and am making real progress. 
Some examples: 

• Just this morning I did my first ever bridge (with a little help from Kim, but not a lot according to her), my first pike handstand from my toes on a box instead of my knees and my first ring pushups from the floor.
• Thursday night I had my first banded pull-up ... one of my challenge goals
• Last weekend I competed in my first competition
• The week before I had my first tripod stand

All of these firsts are starting to really add up and were, in the not so distant past, "can't"s.
So what's the lesson here.
Before I say can't, I'm going to stop and think for a few seconds about why I don't think I can do something. Am I afraid of getting hurt? or looking stupid. Am I underestimating myself? Am I forgetting the progress I've made, the weight I've lost, or the muscle and skill that I've developed? And then ... I'll try. At least try. And if it's truly a can't YET, I'll keep working with the coaches on scaling options that I CAN do and making progress towards the can do without scaling. And soon, the balance of those lists will shift in my favor.

Throwdown recap

my comeback event ...
I'm either frowning, or pooping

It's been a week since I last posted. The lead up to, execution of, and coming down from the Tri-State Throwdown on Saturday was intense,exhausting and exhilarating all at once. 
In the days leading up to the throwdown, I was trying to brush off the negative nerves. I knew that even just showing up and trying was an accomplishment for me and something so out of my comfort zone I never would have dared try before. I even worked in a little self-sabotage, letting my diet slip the day before. I'm such an emotional eater and the stress was getting to me. 
The morning of the competition, my stomach was in knots. I wasn't nervous per se, just anxious to get started, to get there, and get the first WOD under my belt. At least I wouldn't have long to wait. Lucky me, I was in the first heat of competitors.


WOD I: 8 minute ARMAP of 9 box jumps, 6 hand release pushups and 3 65lb front squats
- This was a terrible way to start my day. I thought my problem was going to be the pushups. WRONG. It was the stupid box jumps, or in my case, step-ups. Mine are slow and I have a lot of weight to move on and off that box. I finished with 5 rounds plus 12 movements. Definitely far worse than anyone else I talked to about their results. I was hearing numbers bigger than nine, and I had struggled through five. This was certainly a bad way to start the day.
WOD II: Scaled Grace, 30 clean and jerks (65lb) for time
- As soon as this was announced, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I knew that for this one my endurance would run out before my muscles. A 65lb clean and jerk is pretty easy for me so it was just about getting through the quantity as fast as I could. I ended up finishing somewhere around 2:30. I can't remember the exact time, but I know my hand was shaking so badly I could barely sign my score sheet. I felt good about this one though and glad to have at least one event for the day that I could feel good about. 
WOD III: 6 minutes to establish 1RM continental C&J, 4 min rest, 6 min max meter row
- Seriously?! Another event I can do! We'd done a 1RM continental C&J about two weeks previous to this in a Strongman class so I knew about where to aim for. The six minutes was more about moving around the weights and struggling with the darn clips than being worried about finishing. I put up 75, then 105 and then matched my previous PR of 125. My judge was yelling at me to put on more and I attempted 135. Twice. And wet my pants both time. I just really need to work on getting under the bar. I need split jerk practice. I've never really learned it properly. One more try (and fail) at 130, but I was happy with 125. I knew it was the highest weight in my heat and that felt good. After four minutes of rest came the row. I really underestimated how toasted I was at this point but I didn't know if I wanted to die, or cry or just curl up in the fetal position next to my rower. Thank you to my very supportive and encouraging judge who didn't let me quit and kept cheering for me the entire time. The good news was my 1,355 seemed to be pretty close to the other numbers I heard thrown around. 
WOD IV: 3 rounds - 7x135lb deadlift, 14x air squats, 21 single unders for time.
- Oh thank goodness. I've managed to last the entire day without embarrassing myself with a single burpee. That's actually what was running through my head when they announced this workout. The deadlift was light, my airsquats were slow, and my rope jumping needs practice, but I finished. I have no idea what my time was. I was just so glad to be done and still in one piece and not hurt. 


Some final thoughts:

• I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I'm glad I competed. 
• I did way better than I expected and placed 34 out of 49 in my division. 
• I finished all of the WODs and kept moving even when I wanted to cry and/or die.
• I stepped out of my infamous comfort zone and did something I normally wouldn't.
• I showed myself how far I've come only six weeks into the 90 day challenge. I would not have been able to finish most of those WODs on January 1.
• I got to connect so many faces to names from the ACF/CCP groups and I socialized with so many athletes and tried really hard not to be a shy recluse.
• I am not a pretty Crossfitter. I make so many bizarre faces. Photos are candid and my figure is not perfect by any means. But they are proof that I was there, that I did it and that I was working hard.
• The ACF/CCP staff is incredible. Planning this event, programming the WODs, coordinating volunteers (who are in themselves incredible) and herding athletes ... everything went as smoothly as I could have ever imagined.
• There are amazing athletes around me every day I work out. I was in awe of my fellow competitors, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, giving it their all.
• Not once did I feel someone staring at me, or overhear anyone saying "what does she think she's doing competing in this." All I heard was encouragement, and all I saw was high fives and smiles. Since this was one of my biggest hangups about competing, I was relieved. 
• I will compete again.

WOD #1 released

Day 40 - Thursday, February 9, 2012
Throwdown countdown: 2


The first WOD got released today for Saturday's throwdown. 8 minute AMRAP including 9 box jumps (step ups), 6 hand release pushups (oh boy) and 3 front squats. As one of the other competitors said, at least we're unable to DNF this one! The movement requirements were really clear (thanks, Kevin and Dean) but I'm still a bit concerned about the pushups. Resting and tapering pre-competition has me getting stiff and sore. Foam rolling should help a bit, but I'm thinking about doing some light rowing (Jay mentioned this is in the pep talk) tomorrow night. I left my comfort zone behind miles ago. I already considered no-showing, but can't face the wrath and disappointment of the coaches if I did that. I've been trying to visualize my strategy and success for WOD #1. Step-ups, no problem. Just make sure you fully extend your hips at the top. Pushups, let's practice a couple. Make sure you hit that top plank position every time. Front squats, take a breath and just do them. This weight is easy for you. I'm not sure what a good score will be for this one, but I'll get through it. Finish. Breathe and finish. 


Food: 
Breakfast - cheddar omelet, bacon, hot chocolate
Lunch - tunafish with raisins and pecans, sweet potato chips
Dinner - cajun chicken breast with andouille sausage


Workout:
prescribed rest day

Preparation

Day 39 - Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Throwdown Countdown: 3

"By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail"
- Benjamin Franklin

This was my story today. I ended up away from home, and extremely hungry by 9:30. (Not that I have many options at home either, but that's a different story.) What can you possibly get to eat quickly, that's paleo friendly, at this time of night? I certainly couldn't think of anything. So I succumbed to the call of a sausage and egg cheese breakfast sandwich on a bagel. And well, as long as I'm cheating, I might as well treat myself, right?! So a doughnut got added to the order. I'm not proud of it, but I don't regret it either. I haven't had many of these slip-ups and it really did taste good. I definitely felt the sugar impact though. I almost felt drugged! Back to it tomorrow and time to get some meal planning and grocery shopping done. 

Food - 

Breakfast: eggs, sausage, grapes

Lunch: leftover taco salad

Dinner: sausage egg and cheese breakfast sandwich, chocolate donut

Workout - 

none, resting in prep for Throwdown

Day 38 summary

Day 38 - Tuesday, February 7, 2012


Food:
Breakfast - hard boiled eggs, sausage, orange
Lunch - chicken and stir fry vegetables
Dinner - taco salad (no tortillas)


Workouts:
morning ~1000m row


evening CCP
I: gymnastic warmup day 1
II: hang squat clean
    5x55, 3x75, 2x85, 1x105
III: volume ladder, kettlebells
     35lb bell, through round 12 (Caleb suggested I end there)


IV: 15minutes joint mobility
V: 3 rounds: 10 pistols, 30 jump ropes
VI: 20 minutes foam rolling

Competition week (rhymes with Eek!)

Evidence of yesterday's log press

Day 37 - Monday, February 6, 2012

Competition countdown - 5

I've competed before. I played softball as a kid. Took up pool in my early twenties, and then roller derby in my late twenties.

Softball wasn't super competitive. It was an anybody can join league and I was the fat kid. I did make the all-star team my last year playing when I switched from first base to  catcher. I didn't get to play in the actual game though since I fucked my knee up so badly doing just that, but it was my first sport and I truly enjoyed it.

In 2003, I joined a pool team kind of out of a fluke. A friend's team needed someone who was awful and would have a low skill rating so they could meet their numbers. The APA (American Poolplayers Association) was a great experience. It was fun enough to be interesting and exciting and keep me going back every week, even recruiting more and more friends to join. I made lifelong friends actually. My skills improved tremendously and eventually I began to play in larger local tournaments. The APA sent me to Las Vegas four times to play at the national level - twice with teams, and twice as a member of a Jack and Jill pair. Aside from the trips, these experiences were invaluable and extremely competitive. One year while I was there a man keeled over from a heart attack at the table. Yes, that competitive and stressful.

My first Vegas APA team

Finally, I began my roller derby career in 2009. I had met several girls at a recruiting event they were holding at a hardcore show in 2008 and wanted to join, but decided I needed to lose some weight and learn to skate first. Well, I did the weight loss thing, but couldn't rollerblade. The Albany All Stars taught me to skate, taught me the game and I was hooked. Practice two or three days a week, events, recruiting, bouts, promotions you name it. Playing this DIY sport is like having a second job ... an aggressive second job where you get to wear fishnets and booty shorts and hit people. I never felt that competitive drive with derby. People would tell me to "get mad" and it just didn't come. Perhaps I've become more zen as I've aged.

Now, getting ready to enter my first Crossfit competition, I'm wondering what the heck I'm doing. I'm certainly not competing to win. I know that even in the scaled division, I'm going to be much slower and less fit than many, if not most of the girls entered. Normally, I would have dropped out by now. Too embarrassed by my weaknesses to even try. People keep saying things about getting out of my comfort zone. I like my comfort zone. It's, well, comfortable. I guess at this point it's more about proving that I did it. Getting out there, having a judge tell me "no rep" all the time, but continuing and keeping going. I'll probably cry. I already warned Jay about this. I'll probably pee my pants. I'm bringing spares. But, I'm going to start and finish all four or five WODs. I might have to do it with a bag over my head, but I'm going to do it.Do you have non-winning motivations for entering? 

Food:

Breakfast - eggs with ham, peppers and onions

Lunch - grapes, tuna fish, almonds

Dinner - hamburger with lettuce, pineapple and teriyaki sauce (*sigh* should have read the description better and gotten it without), side salad

Workout:

well earned rest day (unless a little pool hall time counts)

Super Bowl? No problem

AMRAP 60 seconds 70lb log press (13)

Day 36 - Sunday, February 5, 2012


Today was a difficult day for many 90 day challengers based on the FB group posts. Many were debating to cheat/treat or not, planning extravagant substitutes and coming up with game plans. I was cutting up my veggie platter and hunting down the guacamole at the grocery store. I knew as long as I had that, I could keep munching away and not worry about the barbecue sauce laden pulled pork sandwiches, chips and dips, and cookies in the other room. It worked out well. Plus, we went home after the halftime show and I was able to warm up my eggplant parm leftovers for a real filling dinner.
I may have overdone it on the workouts today. A WOD filled with shoulder intensive exercise plus a strongman class with shoulder intensive exercise the day after a GymNasty class with shoulder intensive exercise makes me one sore-shouldered puppy.
This week is the tapering off until the Tri-State throwdown on Saturday. Tomorrow is my scheduled rest day, with a WOD Tuesday, a light one Wednesday, rest on Thursday and a light row on Friday. I'm nervous, but trying to harness it for good. Plus I've received some good encouragement in the last couple days from Jay, Murph and some other Crossfit ladies. It doesn't mean I won't be stressing about it all week! 


Food:
Lunch - guacamole bacon burger in a lettuce wrap, green salad
Snack - dark chocolate covered almonds
Dinner (super bowl party) - carrots and guacamole, leftover eggplant parm


Workouts:
11am ACF - 
I: dynamic group warmup
II: 20min AMRAP - 10 ring rows, 9 deadlifts (55), 8 push presses (55) - 12+10+4
III: team farmers walk, 45 in each hand, five times up the triple and back


noon strongman
I: log press warmup
II: 1RM log press - 115lb (PR?)
III: AMRAP 60 seconds - 70lbs - 13 reps

WANTED: Mental toughness

Day 35 - Saturday, February 4, 2012


I've cried at Crossfit twice in two days. I'm so frustrated.
My hip is still killing me and it's affecting more movements than I want it to. I almost dropped a kettlebell on my foot yesterday mid-WOD because I couldn't use the hip "pop" to swing it and ended up substituting ring rows (thanks, Murph). Today I couldn't do burpee box jumps or knee tucks so Kia (thanks again) gave me pushups and air squats. It's still really sore after a week of taking it easy, foam rolling and mobility with the band. Throwdown is a week away and now this is just one more stressor.
I'm also frustrated that I can't get control over my emotions enough to just get through it without getting upset. Crying at the drop of the hat is not normal for me and this is just ridiculous. Over the pain is one thing, but it's not completely that. How embarrassing. Not as embarrassing as pooping yourself during a competition would be, but still.  


Food:
Lunch - Bacon, eggs
Post-WOD Pity Party Snack - dark chocolate kisses, french fries (ugh)
Snack - grapes
Dinner - baked eggplant
Snack - dark chocolate covered almonds


Workout:
GymNasty Girls
Warmup - 2 rounds: 100 jump rope simulations, 10m bear walk, 10m crab walk, 10m inch work w/pushups, 30 beat swings
I: 3x5 ring pullups, 10 weighted situps
II: skill work, rope climb (this was comical)
III: 100 jump rope sim, 30 pushups, 30 air squats (4:47)

Just the facts

Day 34 - Friday, February 3, 2012


Food:
Breakfast - Omelet (eggs, ham, onion, cheese, hot peppers), orange juice
Lunch - kielbasa, sweet potato chips
Dinner - coconut pancakes, sausage


Workouts:
morning 2.5 "mile" row
evening ACF
I: Russian Gymnastics warmup Day 1
II: 4x3 press (75, 80, 85, 90)
III: 15-12-9-6 snatch (55lb), kb swings ring rows

Eating Out: Amigos Cantina

Day 33 - Thursday, February 2, 2012


I live in a small town. I just looked it up and apparently there are 1,386 people in the Village of Schuylerville. I don't know where all of those people are hiding. (side note: based on the same data, Schuylerville has a 4% minority population. I really don't know where those people are hiding.Just one of the highlights of living in a village like this is the walk-ability. We can walk to the library, several parks, the two diners for breakfast or lunch, the local grocery store and Stewarts for various last minute food items and Amigos Cantina for dinner. Oh Amigos. We've been in love at first bite. 
The best thing about Amigos is I know all of the food is being freshly prepared in their tiny little kitchen. Plus, I see the owner at the farmers market all of the time, so that makes me feel good. My favorite meal at Amigos pre-90 day challenge was their cheese enchiladas or the chicken chimichanga. Of course served with complimentary chips and salsa. Corn, corn and more corn. Now I get their amazing fajitas (sans corn tortilla) and add jalapenos for some extra kick. So amazingly good. The chicken is always cooked perfectly. The homemade guacamole is extraordinary. My mouth is watering just thinking about it and I had it just last night. I love supporting my little local business, getting healthy local food, and getting a little exercise walking there in the process. 


Food:
Breakfast - hard boiled eggs, grapes
Lunch - Hawaiian burger, sweet potato fries, grapes
Snack - dried blueberries
Dinner - tortilla-less fajitas at Amigos (chicken breast, peppers, onions, jalapenos, guacamole)


Workout:
Dog obedience class (can't go if the dog's sick)

Month Two ... 3, 2, 1, Go!

Carissa vs the 70lb stone

Day 32 - Wednesday, February 1, 2012


One month down, and two to go in the 90 day challenge. In these first thirty days I have:
- Lost around 10 pounds
- PR'd my stone to shoulder (115lb stone)
- PR'd my axle clean & jerk (125lbs)
- Never had a cheat day, only a couple cheat foods
- Put on pants that haven't fit me in at least 16 months
- Been told I look leaner
- Improved my skin
- Gone out of my comfort zone by signing up for the Tri-state Throwdown
- Tackled the GymNasty specialty class that I didn't think I'd ever try
- Done "real" burpees in a WODNot bad when I list it all out like that! Two more months to conquer the goals I set for myself at the beginning of the challenge. As a reminder/affirmation:
1. Lose 20 pounds ... this one is in progress and starting to look tough. Murph wanted me to go higher, but I balked. My weight has leveled off a bit (apparently as expected) but I know I'm gaining muscle.
2. One banded pullup ... I've been doing lots of ring rows and increasing the difficulty. This has been a goal of mine for almost two years, so I want it bad.
3. Ten consecutive "real" burpees ... I did six in a WOD a few weeks ago, but I still struggle with them. They're slow, but I think I've got this one.How are everyone else's goals coming along?


Food:
Breakfast - eggs and bacon
Lunch - roast beef lettuce wraps, grapes, cheddar cheese
Dinner - bacon cheeseburger, sweet potato fries


Workouts:
morning, 2.5 "mile" row


evening, strongman at ACF
I. axle deadlift 3x5, 4th AMRAP
   160, 170, 170, 6@170
II. Stone to shoulder practice
III. Stone to shoulder, timed event, five stones of increasing weight
     35, 60, 70, 90, 115 (PR!) in 1:01

Support

Day 31 - Tuesday, January 31, 2012


So I've mentioned before about the amazing amount of support the ACF/CCP/90 day challenge groups are providing along the way of this "competition." It's so good to see everyone giving advice, encouragement and the occasional kick in the pants when needed. I appreciate everyone's blog posts, blog comments, facebook messages and inspirational photos so much. 


Today the special support shout-out goes to Caleb. This man truly lives and breathes mobility. Creating daily videos with movements specifically geared towards that day's WOD and answering incessant questions about aches and pains, he's a truly invaluable resource.


On another support note ... does anyone have any good suggestions for sports bras? I'm in desperate need of new ones.


Food:
Breakfast - fruit salad, sausage
Lunch - garden salad, tilapia with mango salsa, broccoli
Dinner - meatballs and italian sausage in tomato sauce, caesar salad


Workout:
active recovery/hip mobility

The road to hell ...

Day 30 - Monday, January 30, 2012


... is paved with intentions, right? Well, thus began our dinner tonight. We had planned on having chicken taco salad. John went and got the chicken, the lettuce and an avocado for me and I was so excited for it. We prepared the chicken together and then left it simmering on the stove on low to cook down. We could smell it from the other room, it was mouth watering-ly wonderful. Timer goes off, time to eat! And disaster! It was charcoal! It made made the trip to the flames of best intentioned hell! How could this happen?! We don't have anything else! Time for takeout. I know it's not the best option, but at least I tried. Stella was kind enough to wolf down the sub roll while we weren't looking so even the temptation is gone. I really would have preferred the planned meal, but we did what we could. 


It's funny to think about this being day 30. It's kind of flown by. Thanks to all for the love and support thus far. It's great to be feeling this strong.


Food:
Lunch - Leftover meatza
Snack - orange
Snack - pecans
Dinner - chicken taco salad  the "guts" of a turkey bacon sub (turkey, bacon, lettuce, onions, mustard)
Snack - dark chocolate kisses


Workout:
rest day

Fuel for Athletes

Day 29: Sunday, January 29, 2012


This weekend the Court Club (the building that houses ACF) hosted an Eastern Collegiate Racquetball Conference tournament. The parking lot was full, and so was the building. Dozens of college racquetball players, coaches, fans and supporters lined up watching the matches. I may just be being overly aware due to the 90 day challenge, but I was shocked by what I witnessed this morning.
These collegiate athletes were fueling themselves with garbage. I saw evidence of Fiber One bars, pizza, energy drinks, chips, and artificially sweetened beverages. After I wiped the drool off my chin from the alluring smell of pizza, I took a deep breath and reminded myself of how much better I've been feeling over the last 29 days. Between the reduced inflammation in my stomach, the clearer brighter skin, the lost weight, and the better sleep how could I not cringe when I saw what these athletes were putting in their bodies. This is all aside from the performance improvements I've seen. It's no wonder professional athletes are turning to the paleo lifestyle. 
Someone should tell those racquetball kids. 


Food:
Breakfast - eggs, bacon, orange
Lunch - turkey breast
Dinner - meatza with pepperoni, sun dried tomatoes, peppers, onions


Workout:
Strongman class
I: keg carry warmup (140lb)
II: farmer's walk warmup (110, 160F, 140 each hand)
III: medley: farmer's walk and keg carry (140lb keg, 140 each hand farmers walk)

Grace AND Guts

Day 28 - Saturday, January 28, 2012


Today was just a fantastic day overall. I started it with this yummy concoction. The BEST paleo friendly pancakes I've had yet. No fighting with almond butter and a really fluffy, true-to-pancake experience.
Then, off to GymNasty class which is quickly growing on me. It was definitely tough and my shoulders are going to be shot tomorrow, but it's definitely a good forum to work on skills. I noticed my ring rows are getting a lot stronger, and I'm gradually able to move my feet closer and closer to the wall while keeping the height of the rings the same. So where does the grace come in? Oh yes. During tripod practice, I fell off the freaking box. Yep. I failed trying to push myself up and ended up half-somersaulting, half flailing off the box. Poor Kia. She didn't know what to do with me. I was fine, or course, but it must have been amusing to watch. 
When I got home, I had a message from Jay asking if I wanted to sign up for the Throwdown in a couple weeks. I'd been thinking about it. Debating. Telling myself I'm crazy for even considering it. After this morning's fall off the box, I know I'm crazy. But I'm signed up. A couple other girls and I have a pact where if we do something stupid we'll disguise each other's identity to avoid embarrassment. At least there's a plan in place. Now it'll just be a matter of how I make a fool of myself. But competing is a good challenge, or something, right? And I know there's some saying out there about life beginning at the end of my comfort zone?  This one's gonna take a lot of guts and not the same kind I've been talking about the past few days. Wish me luck!

Food:
Breakfast - coconut pancakes, maple syrup
Lunch - Chili bowl at the Saratoga Clay Arts Center
Dinner - Hellfire (cajun chicken, hot sausage, curry, peppers, onions, tomatoes)


Workout:
Gymnasty Girls - (I think I'm missing something)
I: With a partner, 3 rounds: 45lbs overhead with 10 squat therapy
II: 5 rounds: 8 ring pushups, 3 ring rows (challenging)
III: 10 minutes tripod practice
IV: Accumulate 1 minute false grip time
V: 20-20-20 pushups, hollow rocks, handstand hold
    15-15-30
    10-10-40
    (5:30)

Guts (continued)

Day 27 - Friday, January 27, 2012

Oh boy. While I enjoyed every bite of my cheat meal last night, I'm paying for it today. Sparing any grisly details, my stomach is just not reacting well to the sugar, grains and fat from my food intake. My poor gut is just not happy. Again. For a totally different reason than two days ago.

I took an impulsive day off from work today and enjoyed some extra rest while nursing the upset stomach. While the prospect of attacking the Filthy 50 was intimidating in itself, doing it with an upset stomach didn't seem wise.

Dinner is back on track tonight. Hamburgers with bacon and turnip fries. I'm glad I got the cheat out of my system and was able to start back so easily. This definitely has never been the case before. I blame all those people cheering me on and holding me accountable. That and the fact that Murph will be back from vacation eventually and seeing all of my food again. :)

Finally, I'm working up the guts to sign up for the Tri-State Throwdown event at ACF. I know it's important to step outside my comfort zone. To compete and see what I can do, but I'm truly terrified. What if I do something stupid?! What if I forget how to count like  always happens?! Definitely going to take guts.

Food:

Lunch - Turkey club (minus the bread and mayo), sweet potato fries

Snack - dark chocolate almonds

Dinner - hamburger with bacon, sweet potato and beet chips

Snack - two dark chocolate Hershey kisses

Workout:

none

Hooray for a rest day!

Day 26 - Thursday, January 27, 2012


I'm so happy for a rest day today, although the WOD today looked like one I really would have "liked" and needed. Split jerks are definitely a weakness of mine and something I should work on. My strongman jerks would really benefit from a split jerk. I was also really excited for my first whole cheat meal since the start of this challenge. I'm sure I won't feel the same way tomorrow, but for today a day of takeout and laziness on the couch with my honey is exactly what I need.


Food:
Lunch - turkey breast, pepperoni, mozzarella, almonds
Dinner - first cheat meal! boneless chicken wings and chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream


Workout:
None! First rest day in five days!

Guts

Day 25 - Wednesday, January 25, 2012


After a small amount of courage thanks to Jonesy, I posted my blog on the 90 day challenge site yesterday. Yeah, that long rambling super personal story about all of my weight struggles over the last 15 years out there for everyone to see. Oh my goodness was it traumatic, but it was nice to get some positive feedback and encouragement. I'm glad I got the guts to do it, even though it took some encouragement.
I also had a conversation with a fellow crossfitter about my issue with finishing last. (The not wanting people to cheer for me and yell at me to finish. The wanting to tell them to fuck off, drop the bar and walk out.) I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels that way.
Finally, I had strongman class (first Wednesday back in forever!) tonight. The first WOD was axle clean and jerks, five heavy rounds of one. These are the WODs PRs are made of. 110? no problem. 115? no problem. 120? that's getting heavy, but it's up. 125? holy shit, I got it up. 130? nope. but certainly doable down the road. I'm pretty sure my previous PR was 115. Also, I think my "normal" jerk PR was lower than 125 as well, making this extra impressive for me. The only problem with the continental is that intermediate step of resting the bar on your belly to flip your hand over before the quick transition to rack position. It gets pretty tender pretty quickly. Rearranging your guts (back to the topic at hand, see how I did that?) in the process. Between that, and the 75 situps yesterday, my guts are cooked!


Food:
Breakfast - ham and cheese omelet
Lunch - leftover chicken stir fry, orange, chocolate covered almonds
Dinner - chicken cobb salad
Snack - almonds, meatballs


Workout:
Strongman at ACF
1-1-1-1-1 Axle Clean and Jerk
PR! 125lbs.
Failed at 130 in fifth round attempt.

I've lost more than 200 pounds!

One of my "lighter"
moments (with Comstock
prison in the background)

Day 24 - Tuesday, January 24, 2012


Aren't you impressed! Too bad I was never able to keep it off. I just wanted to try to document some of the weight related milestones in my life. To recognize my struggles and successes.

Obesity runs in my family. My dad has had type II diabetes for as long as I can remember. There's never a shortage of food at a family event. In fact, during one summer barbecue, with a crowd of us standing in the chow line, the whole deck fell off the side of the house. 

I've never been a small girl. Perhaps average through the first part of elementary school? When I graduated from high school, I was the same pant size as I am now. I know for a lot of women, being able to fit into your prom dress is a badge of honor. Maybe not so much for me. 

College brought the infamous freshman fifteen (or more??) with that darn unlimited dining hall and my limited palette. By the time I graduated from school I was even heavier. 

And then, it happened. I got engaged. With just over two years until the wedding, my fear of the white dress was enough to motivate me into doing something about my size. All vanity. No health concern. I joined Weight Watchers with a few other friends at work and had a lot of success. I lost ~90 pounds and got well below my lowest adult weight. My wedding dress that wouldn't have fit me when I ordered it, had to be taken in about five sizes. I was so proud of myself.

And then, I settled into married life. I gained some happy weight. 

And then, disaster. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness and we had to start playing around with some different medication options. All of them known to cause weight gain. Over the next year or so I gained 100 pounds. Yes, 100. Two pounds a week in the wrong direction. I was depressed because of my condition, depressed because of my weight, and depressed about my unhappy marriage, which would soon end.

And then, when I was just about my heaviest, I met someone. I lost some weight to be happier and healthier. It stuck a little bit. I decided I wanted to play roller derby, but knew I couldn't possibly do it at my then current weight. I rejoined WW. I had some more success. I lost ~70 more pounds. (That's about where I was in the picture.) 

And then, I joined roller derby. It was so much work. Such a great workout. I ate pretty much whatever I wanted and was maintaining my weight. Not losing, but maintaining. I was practicing three or four times a week, plus going to a globo-gym. And then ... I got burnt out. It was just too much work, too far of a drive, I started to slow down the workouts and practice schedule and started to gain weight again. At first I didn't notice, but eventually it crept back up. Luckily during this time, I found Crossfit thanks to Jay's sponsorship of the team. 

Since retirement from derby I was missed the practices. I was still occasionally going to Crossfit. Yoyo-ing back and forth between hardcore dedicated and not going at all. Unfortunately the low periods were more frequent and longer than the motivated ones.   I'd join challenges, lose weight, feel good and then get tired. Or injured. Or sick. And getting back in became more difficult. I lost my derby girl support system and gym buddies. I was shy and hard a hard time connecting to the infamous "community" everyone raves about. 

Last October, I decided I was going to get back to it. Start working out again. Dedicate myself to Crossfit and being healthier. I wanted to feel good again. Like I hadn't in quite a while. I didn't have the same excuses that had kept me away before (house renovations, new puppy, inconvenient location). My diet wasn't perfect, but at least I was moving. Scaling everything but the strength workouts, but showing up. Vacation came and went and then pneumonia. For nearly two months, I struggled to recover. I could barely speak a sentence without coughing so hard bad things happened. At this point, I came into CCP and talked with Murph. Tears in my eyes, I explained how I wanted to feel better, to lose weight, to look good in a white dress again. He said we'd get there. Once I could breathe, we'd start slow. Get back into workouts, scale things as much as we had to. Work around the asthma and the declined fitness. I started to feel good about it again. Motivated. I joined the 90 day challenge with the goal of being able to start working out again without coughing for January 1st.

24 days later, I'm seeing some success on the scale. I'm seeing even more success in inches lost. I've finally embraced the community at Crossfit even though I'm still shy. I'm starting to see improvements in my Crossfit performance, although I still have days where I struggle to breathe, or have asthma attacks.Slowly this will improve. I'm not sure where I'll be on day 90. I'm even more frightened of day 91. And terrified of how I will look on day 366. 

Today, I will work hard. I will go to Crossfit even when the WOD looks terrifying. I will grocery shop with the menu plan in hand. I will celebrate the small victories, on the scale and off. I will support and be supported by the athletes around me, in the challenge and beyond. I will take one day at a time. And I will be healthier and happier for it. (And maybe even look good in that darn dress.)


Food:
Breakfast - orange
Lunch - leftover pulled pork, sweet potato chips
Snack - apple chips, almonds
Dinner - chicken stir fry (chicken breast, carrots, pea pods, broccoli, lemon, curry paste, white wine)
Snack - dark chocolate, almonds, hot chocolate milk


Workout:
CFWUx2
I: 10x2 press (55lb)
II: 3 rounds
   10 ring rows
   10 ring pushups
   10 power cleans (55lb)
   15 burpees
   (11:45)
III: 5x15 ab mat situps

So much to say

Day 23 - Monday, January 23, 2012


First, I just want to say I can't stand DMB. Like, second most overrated band EVER, sorry Jay. (BTW, Metallica is number one.) However, I can't say "so much to say" without that darn chorus getting stuck in my head, so now it's your problem too.


Secondly, I'm proud of myself. Even though I've been dodging "Karen" for two years, I walked in the door today and didn't leave when my stomach started to ache, and my head started to hurt. (Anxiety anyone?) 


Thirdly, I'm a bit disappointed in myself. I did kind of psych myself out of doing this Rx. There weren't anymore 14lb wall balls available (so sad) so I had to scale down to the 10 pounder. Watching my amazing partner crank through her 150, and how difficult it was, and seeing other people down the line struggle through it, I started with self doubt. I can't do 150 of these. What was I thinking? I can't do 100 squats, let alone 150 squats, let alone 150 squats with a weighted ball and having to throw the darn thing up to hit a target on the wall. What am I doing here? So as Eric was walking down the line, getting people set up for the second heat, with a tear in my eye I told him I couldn't do 150 of these. And he said, "then don't." Um. Ok? So I shot for 100. And I did the 100. With Desiree cheering me through every one. Sucking wind. Wanting to cry. But I did them. 100. Not 150. I finished in 8:25, which is more time than many people took to do 150. However. There was one guy, Jeff, who kept working to get in the 150 even though it took him almost 15 minutes. And everyone was cheering for him. Encouraging him. Getting him back to the wall. I kind of feel like I should have kept going.  


Fourthly, I know why I didn't keep going. I don't want people cheering for me. Being the last one finished, for me, isn't about having the worst time. It's about not wanting people watching me. Judging me. Knowing that I'm the slowest, fattest, least fittest. Knowing people are focused on me, and my ineptitude. I know this isn't what the ACF/CCP community is about. I know it's about support and encouragement. However, a lifetime worth of judgement and teasing and bullying about my weight has tainted my view. Just having the fear that one of those people watching is secretly thinking to themselves, why is this girl here. She can't do this stuff. I'm ready to go and I'm stuck cheering for this slob who can't get herself together and put down the pie. This is something I'm going to have to work on. Blogging as therapy?


Finally, I just want to thank the rest of the 90 day challengers for being so supportive and open with commiseration and inspiration so far. It's really been easy to forget this is a "contest" with amazing prizes. I've also made some new friends, and started to open up with other athletes, getting over my shyness. Seeing their faces and reading about their struggles and successes in their blogs and on the challenge group has made it easier for me to approach them. (Ok, that might be creepy.) Just, thank you. And I'm sorry for the awful earwig.


Onto the boring stuff...
Food:
Breakfast - orange
Lunch - chipotle and orange grilled chicken, brown rice (which I later regretted when I was mid-afternoon fighting the vending machine visit craving)
Dinner - Pulled pork with maple barbecue sauce, sweet potato tater tots
Snack - paleo cupcake with dark Hershey's kiss


Workout:
I: AMRAP double unders (um, none. But I did practice singles and worked on getting my heels down)
II: Karen - 150 Wall Balls (10lb ball, scaled to 100: 8:25)
III: 3 sets max rep pull-ups (9,9,8 ring rows)