Setting goals

Day 54 - Thursday, February 23, 2012


Last night, Jay held a mid-challenge pep talk/intervention for those doing the 90 day challenge. It seems that a lot of people were hitting a slump and needed a little boost to get through the remaining 45 (now 36) days.


There was a lot of interesting discussion about whether food is mental or physical. I lean towards the side of emotional, but the debate continues.


There was also an exercise that helped you get in touch with what you were thinking, feeling and doing. Really being present in the moment and recognizing your current state. We were all encouraged to do this several times a day. I think it'll be most helpful for me when I'm craving treats, or wanting to emotionally eat. Really thinking about and acknowledging what's driving the behavior is a powerful weapon to have.
Thinking - this is dumb
Feeling - successful with what I've accomplished for far and sticking with it
Doing - writing


Finally, the activity that gets me to the reason for Bobby Orr making a guest appearance above. Jay also had us write down our Fitness, Nutrition, and Life goals for the next 45 days.
My fitness goal was one of my challenge goals - 10 consecutive real burpees.
Nutrition - continue to try new paleo recipes and foods.
Life - too risky to put out here publicly not knowing who will read it, but I had one.
He then had us think about what's possible. Well, all three of mine were deliberately possible, so I had a tough time with this one, but it really got me thinking about my goal setting overall. 


We then did the freeze game again:
Thinking - I don't have good goals
Feeling - uncertain
Doing - getting anxious


Jay then had a few people volunteer to share and I noticed a trend. Oh shit ... I was supposed to get more positive after the goals exercise?
Oh.
I was the only one who got negative (or at least to admit it). I just don't feel like I've ever been good at setting goals. Not in my personal life, my professional life, my health, anything. When I had to come up with goals for the 90 day challenge, I really struggled with coming up with things that were reasonable, attainable, but still challenging enough. The standard crossfit goals never really appealed to me. I don't really, truly care if I'm ever able to do pullups, or do a body weight back squat, or Rx'd Fran. These are just not things that are important to me.
And then, Chad, one of my fellow challengers said something that truly resonated with me. I'm paraphrasing, but it was something like, if you're having trouble setting goals, think instead about what the goal will get you. Oh! It's like a little light bulb (GE of course) just went off in my head. 
So then I started thinking about the things I want. This is still a challenge for me, but much easier to do. A few examples.

• I want to be able to go for a hike with my boyfriend and my dog without being a hindrance to them.
• I want to look better in the mirror and in the white dress.
• I want to have less joint pain.

So now I'm onto the step of figuring out what goals I need to set to accomplish these things. It's still not easy for me, but switching it around, I think, will help. 

Maybe this approach will help some of you with your goals as well. We're all different and we're all shooting for differing targets in this challenge and in life, but in order to get there, we at least need to know which direction to take that first step.

A content note: I'm no longer blogging my daily food and workout logs. Rest assured, I am still tracking them, I just decided no one really thinks these are interesting.

The C Word

no, not that C word either

No ... not that C word. 


"Can't"


Kim called me out on it (and didn't even want to hear my intelligent, reasonable rebuttal excuses).
For a very long time at Crossfit I've had an enormous list of can'ts/sucks/goats. Lack of strength, flexibility, courage, and fitness, and an abundance of asthma and weight all conspiring against me and keeping me from being able to do things scaled, try or even show up to the WODs.
I've had some time to think about this today. During the last 49 days of this challenge, I've finally started breaking down some of those barriers and am making real progress. 
Some examples: 

• Just this morning I did my first ever bridge (with a little help from Kim, but not a lot according to her), my first pike handstand from my toes on a box instead of my knees and my first ring pushups from the floor.
• Thursday night I had my first banded pull-up ... one of my challenge goals
• Last weekend I competed in my first competition
• The week before I had my first tripod stand

All of these firsts are starting to really add up and were, in the not so distant past, "can't"s.
So what's the lesson here.
Before I say can't, I'm going to stop and think for a few seconds about why I don't think I can do something. Am I afraid of getting hurt? or looking stupid. Am I underestimating myself? Am I forgetting the progress I've made, the weight I've lost, or the muscle and skill that I've developed? And then ... I'll try. At least try. And if it's truly a can't YET, I'll keep working with the coaches on scaling options that I CAN do and making progress towards the can do without scaling. And soon, the balance of those lists will shift in my favor.

Throwdown recap

my comeback event ...
I'm either frowning, or pooping

It's been a week since I last posted. The lead up to, execution of, and coming down from the Tri-State Throwdown on Saturday was intense,exhausting and exhilarating all at once. 
In the days leading up to the throwdown, I was trying to brush off the negative nerves. I knew that even just showing up and trying was an accomplishment for me and something so out of my comfort zone I never would have dared try before. I even worked in a little self-sabotage, letting my diet slip the day before. I'm such an emotional eater and the stress was getting to me. 
The morning of the competition, my stomach was in knots. I wasn't nervous per se, just anxious to get started, to get there, and get the first WOD under my belt. At least I wouldn't have long to wait. Lucky me, I was in the first heat of competitors.


WOD I: 8 minute ARMAP of 9 box jumps, 6 hand release pushups and 3 65lb front squats
- This was a terrible way to start my day. I thought my problem was going to be the pushups. WRONG. It was the stupid box jumps, or in my case, step-ups. Mine are slow and I have a lot of weight to move on and off that box. I finished with 5 rounds plus 12 movements. Definitely far worse than anyone else I talked to about their results. I was hearing numbers bigger than nine, and I had struggled through five. This was certainly a bad way to start the day.
WOD II: Scaled Grace, 30 clean and jerks (65lb) for time
- As soon as this was announced, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I knew that for this one my endurance would run out before my muscles. A 65lb clean and jerk is pretty easy for me so it was just about getting through the quantity as fast as I could. I ended up finishing somewhere around 2:30. I can't remember the exact time, but I know my hand was shaking so badly I could barely sign my score sheet. I felt good about this one though and glad to have at least one event for the day that I could feel good about. 
WOD III: 6 minutes to establish 1RM continental C&J, 4 min rest, 6 min max meter row
- Seriously?! Another event I can do! We'd done a 1RM continental C&J about two weeks previous to this in a Strongman class so I knew about where to aim for. The six minutes was more about moving around the weights and struggling with the darn clips than being worried about finishing. I put up 75, then 105 and then matched my previous PR of 125. My judge was yelling at me to put on more and I attempted 135. Twice. And wet my pants both time. I just really need to work on getting under the bar. I need split jerk practice. I've never really learned it properly. One more try (and fail) at 130, but I was happy with 125. I knew it was the highest weight in my heat and that felt good. After four minutes of rest came the row. I really underestimated how toasted I was at this point but I didn't know if I wanted to die, or cry or just curl up in the fetal position next to my rower. Thank you to my very supportive and encouraging judge who didn't let me quit and kept cheering for me the entire time. The good news was my 1,355 seemed to be pretty close to the other numbers I heard thrown around. 
WOD IV: 3 rounds - 7x135lb deadlift, 14x air squats, 21 single unders for time.
- Oh thank goodness. I've managed to last the entire day without embarrassing myself with a single burpee. That's actually what was running through my head when they announced this workout. The deadlift was light, my airsquats were slow, and my rope jumping needs practice, but I finished. I have no idea what my time was. I was just so glad to be done and still in one piece and not hurt. 


Some final thoughts:

• I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I'm glad I competed. 
• I did way better than I expected and placed 34 out of 49 in my division. 
• I finished all of the WODs and kept moving even when I wanted to cry and/or die.
• I stepped out of my infamous comfort zone and did something I normally wouldn't.
• I showed myself how far I've come only six weeks into the 90 day challenge. I would not have been able to finish most of those WODs on January 1.
• I got to connect so many faces to names from the ACF/CCP groups and I socialized with so many athletes and tried really hard not to be a shy recluse.
• I am not a pretty Crossfitter. I make so many bizarre faces. Photos are candid and my figure is not perfect by any means. But they are proof that I was there, that I did it and that I was working hard.
• The ACF/CCP staff is incredible. Planning this event, programming the WODs, coordinating volunteers (who are in themselves incredible) and herding athletes ... everything went as smoothly as I could have ever imagined.
• There are amazing athletes around me every day I work out. I was in awe of my fellow competitors, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, giving it their all.
• Not once did I feel someone staring at me, or overhear anyone saying "what does she think she's doing competing in this." All I heard was encouragement, and all I saw was high fives and smiles. Since this was one of my biggest hangups about competing, I was relieved. 
• I will compete again.

WOD #1 released

Day 40 - Thursday, February 9, 2012
Throwdown countdown: 2


The first WOD got released today for Saturday's throwdown. 8 minute AMRAP including 9 box jumps (step ups), 6 hand release pushups (oh boy) and 3 front squats. As one of the other competitors said, at least we're unable to DNF this one! The movement requirements were really clear (thanks, Kevin and Dean) but I'm still a bit concerned about the pushups. Resting and tapering pre-competition has me getting stiff and sore. Foam rolling should help a bit, but I'm thinking about doing some light rowing (Jay mentioned this is in the pep talk) tomorrow night. I left my comfort zone behind miles ago. I already considered no-showing, but can't face the wrath and disappointment of the coaches if I did that. I've been trying to visualize my strategy and success for WOD #1. Step-ups, no problem. Just make sure you fully extend your hips at the top. Pushups, let's practice a couple. Make sure you hit that top plank position every time. Front squats, take a breath and just do them. This weight is easy for you. I'm not sure what a good score will be for this one, but I'll get through it. Finish. Breathe and finish. 


Food: 
Breakfast - cheddar omelet, bacon, hot chocolate
Lunch - tunafish with raisins and pecans, sweet potato chips
Dinner - cajun chicken breast with andouille sausage


Workout:
prescribed rest day

Preparation

Day 39 - Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Throwdown Countdown: 3

"By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail"
- Benjamin Franklin

This was my story today. I ended up away from home, and extremely hungry by 9:30. (Not that I have many options at home either, but that's a different story.) What can you possibly get to eat quickly, that's paleo friendly, at this time of night? I certainly couldn't think of anything. So I succumbed to the call of a sausage and egg cheese breakfast sandwich on a bagel. And well, as long as I'm cheating, I might as well treat myself, right?! So a doughnut got added to the order. I'm not proud of it, but I don't regret it either. I haven't had many of these slip-ups and it really did taste good. I definitely felt the sugar impact though. I almost felt drugged! Back to it tomorrow and time to get some meal planning and grocery shopping done. 

Food - 

Breakfast: eggs, sausage, grapes

Lunch: leftover taco salad

Dinner: sausage egg and cheese breakfast sandwich, chocolate donut

Workout - 

none, resting in prep for Throwdown

Day 38 summary

Day 38 - Tuesday, February 7, 2012


Food:
Breakfast - hard boiled eggs, sausage, orange
Lunch - chicken and stir fry vegetables
Dinner - taco salad (no tortillas)


Workouts:
morning ~1000m row


evening CCP
I: gymnastic warmup day 1
II: hang squat clean
    5x55, 3x75, 2x85, 1x105
III: volume ladder, kettlebells
     35lb bell, through round 12 (Caleb suggested I end there)


IV: 15minutes joint mobility
V: 3 rounds: 10 pistols, 30 jump ropes
VI: 20 minutes foam rolling

Competition week (rhymes with Eek!)

Evidence of yesterday's log press

Day 37 - Monday, February 6, 2012

Competition countdown - 5

I've competed before. I played softball as a kid. Took up pool in my early twenties, and then roller derby in my late twenties.

Softball wasn't super competitive. It was an anybody can join league and I was the fat kid. I did make the all-star team my last year playing when I switched from first base to  catcher. I didn't get to play in the actual game though since I fucked my knee up so badly doing just that, but it was my first sport and I truly enjoyed it.

In 2003, I joined a pool team kind of out of a fluke. A friend's team needed someone who was awful and would have a low skill rating so they could meet their numbers. The APA (American Poolplayers Association) was a great experience. It was fun enough to be interesting and exciting and keep me going back every week, even recruiting more and more friends to join. I made lifelong friends actually. My skills improved tremendously and eventually I began to play in larger local tournaments. The APA sent me to Las Vegas four times to play at the national level - twice with teams, and twice as a member of a Jack and Jill pair. Aside from the trips, these experiences were invaluable and extremely competitive. One year while I was there a man keeled over from a heart attack at the table. Yes, that competitive and stressful.

My first Vegas APA team

Finally, I began my roller derby career in 2009. I had met several girls at a recruiting event they were holding at a hardcore show in 2008 and wanted to join, but decided I needed to lose some weight and learn to skate first. Well, I did the weight loss thing, but couldn't rollerblade. The Albany All Stars taught me to skate, taught me the game and I was hooked. Practice two or three days a week, events, recruiting, bouts, promotions you name it. Playing this DIY sport is like having a second job ... an aggressive second job where you get to wear fishnets and booty shorts and hit people. I never felt that competitive drive with derby. People would tell me to "get mad" and it just didn't come. Perhaps I've become more zen as I've aged.

Now, getting ready to enter my first Crossfit competition, I'm wondering what the heck I'm doing. I'm certainly not competing to win. I know that even in the scaled division, I'm going to be much slower and less fit than many, if not most of the girls entered. Normally, I would have dropped out by now. Too embarrassed by my weaknesses to even try. People keep saying things about getting out of my comfort zone. I like my comfort zone. It's, well, comfortable. I guess at this point it's more about proving that I did it. Getting out there, having a judge tell me "no rep" all the time, but continuing and keeping going. I'll probably cry. I already warned Jay about this. I'll probably pee my pants. I'm bringing spares. But, I'm going to start and finish all four or five WODs. I might have to do it with a bag over my head, but I'm going to do it.Do you have non-winning motivations for entering? 

Food:

Breakfast - eggs with ham, peppers and onions

Lunch - grapes, tuna fish, almonds

Dinner - hamburger with lettuce, pineapple and teriyaki sauce (*sigh* should have read the description better and gotten it without), side salad

Workout:

well earned rest day (unless a little pool hall time counts)

Super Bowl? No problem

AMRAP 60 seconds 70lb log press (13)

Day 36 - Sunday, February 5, 2012


Today was a difficult day for many 90 day challengers based on the FB group posts. Many were debating to cheat/treat or not, planning extravagant substitutes and coming up with game plans. I was cutting up my veggie platter and hunting down the guacamole at the grocery store. I knew as long as I had that, I could keep munching away and not worry about the barbecue sauce laden pulled pork sandwiches, chips and dips, and cookies in the other room. It worked out well. Plus, we went home after the halftime show and I was able to warm up my eggplant parm leftovers for a real filling dinner.
I may have overdone it on the workouts today. A WOD filled with shoulder intensive exercise plus a strongman class with shoulder intensive exercise the day after a GymNasty class with shoulder intensive exercise makes me one sore-shouldered puppy.
This week is the tapering off until the Tri-State throwdown on Saturday. Tomorrow is my scheduled rest day, with a WOD Tuesday, a light one Wednesday, rest on Thursday and a light row on Friday. I'm nervous, but trying to harness it for good. Plus I've received some good encouragement in the last couple days from Jay, Murph and some other Crossfit ladies. It doesn't mean I won't be stressing about it all week! 


Food:
Lunch - guacamole bacon burger in a lettuce wrap, green salad
Snack - dark chocolate covered almonds
Dinner (super bowl party) - carrots and guacamole, leftover eggplant parm


Workouts:
11am ACF - 
I: dynamic group warmup
II: 20min AMRAP - 10 ring rows, 9 deadlifts (55), 8 push presses (55) - 12+10+4
III: team farmers walk, 45 in each hand, five times up the triple and back


noon strongman
I: log press warmup
II: 1RM log press - 115lb (PR?)
III: AMRAP 60 seconds - 70lbs - 13 reps

WANTED: Mental toughness

Day 35 - Saturday, February 4, 2012


I've cried at Crossfit twice in two days. I'm so frustrated.
My hip is still killing me and it's affecting more movements than I want it to. I almost dropped a kettlebell on my foot yesterday mid-WOD because I couldn't use the hip "pop" to swing it and ended up substituting ring rows (thanks, Murph). Today I couldn't do burpee box jumps or knee tucks so Kia (thanks again) gave me pushups and air squats. It's still really sore after a week of taking it easy, foam rolling and mobility with the band. Throwdown is a week away and now this is just one more stressor.
I'm also frustrated that I can't get control over my emotions enough to just get through it without getting upset. Crying at the drop of the hat is not normal for me and this is just ridiculous. Over the pain is one thing, but it's not completely that. How embarrassing. Not as embarrassing as pooping yourself during a competition would be, but still.  


Food:
Lunch - Bacon, eggs
Post-WOD Pity Party Snack - dark chocolate kisses, french fries (ugh)
Snack - grapes
Dinner - baked eggplant
Snack - dark chocolate covered almonds


Workout:
GymNasty Girls
Warmup - 2 rounds: 100 jump rope simulations, 10m bear walk, 10m crab walk, 10m inch work w/pushups, 30 beat swings
I: 3x5 ring pullups, 10 weighted situps
II: skill work, rope climb (this was comical)
III: 100 jump rope sim, 30 pushups, 30 air squats (4:47)

Just the facts

Day 34 - Friday, February 3, 2012


Food:
Breakfast - Omelet (eggs, ham, onion, cheese, hot peppers), orange juice
Lunch - kielbasa, sweet potato chips
Dinner - coconut pancakes, sausage


Workouts:
morning 2.5 "mile" row
evening ACF
I: Russian Gymnastics warmup Day 1
II: 4x3 press (75, 80, 85, 90)
III: 15-12-9-6 snatch (55lb), kb swings ring rows

Eating Out: Amigos Cantina

Day 33 - Thursday, February 2, 2012


I live in a small town. I just looked it up and apparently there are 1,386 people in the Village of Schuylerville. I don't know where all of those people are hiding. (side note: based on the same data, Schuylerville has a 4% minority population. I really don't know where those people are hiding.Just one of the highlights of living in a village like this is the walk-ability. We can walk to the library, several parks, the two diners for breakfast or lunch, the local grocery store and Stewarts for various last minute food items and Amigos Cantina for dinner. Oh Amigos. We've been in love at first bite. 
The best thing about Amigos is I know all of the food is being freshly prepared in their tiny little kitchen. Plus, I see the owner at the farmers market all of the time, so that makes me feel good. My favorite meal at Amigos pre-90 day challenge was their cheese enchiladas or the chicken chimichanga. Of course served with complimentary chips and salsa. Corn, corn and more corn. Now I get their amazing fajitas (sans corn tortilla) and add jalapenos for some extra kick. So amazingly good. The chicken is always cooked perfectly. The homemade guacamole is extraordinary. My mouth is watering just thinking about it and I had it just last night. I love supporting my little local business, getting healthy local food, and getting a little exercise walking there in the process. 


Food:
Breakfast - hard boiled eggs, grapes
Lunch - Hawaiian burger, sweet potato fries, grapes
Snack - dried blueberries
Dinner - tortilla-less fajitas at Amigos (chicken breast, peppers, onions, jalapenos, guacamole)


Workout:
Dog obedience class (can't go if the dog's sick)

Month Two ... 3, 2, 1, Go!

Carissa vs the 70lb stone

Day 32 - Wednesday, February 1, 2012


One month down, and two to go in the 90 day challenge. In these first thirty days I have:
- Lost around 10 pounds
- PR'd my stone to shoulder (115lb stone)
- PR'd my axle clean & jerk (125lbs)
- Never had a cheat day, only a couple cheat foods
- Put on pants that haven't fit me in at least 16 months
- Been told I look leaner
- Improved my skin
- Gone out of my comfort zone by signing up for the Tri-state Throwdown
- Tackled the GymNasty specialty class that I didn't think I'd ever try
- Done "real" burpees in a WODNot bad when I list it all out like that! Two more months to conquer the goals I set for myself at the beginning of the challenge. As a reminder/affirmation:
1. Lose 20 pounds ... this one is in progress and starting to look tough. Murph wanted me to go higher, but I balked. My weight has leveled off a bit (apparently as expected) but I know I'm gaining muscle.
2. One banded pullup ... I've been doing lots of ring rows and increasing the difficulty. This has been a goal of mine for almost two years, so I want it bad.
3. Ten consecutive "real" burpees ... I did six in a WOD a few weeks ago, but I still struggle with them. They're slow, but I think I've got this one.How are everyone else's goals coming along?


Food:
Breakfast - eggs and bacon
Lunch - roast beef lettuce wraps, grapes, cheddar cheese
Dinner - bacon cheeseburger, sweet potato fries


Workouts:
morning, 2.5 "mile" row


evening, strongman at ACF
I. axle deadlift 3x5, 4th AMRAP
   160, 170, 170, 6@170
II. Stone to shoulder practice
III. Stone to shoulder, timed event, five stones of increasing weight
     35, 60, 70, 90, 115 (PR!) in 1:01